i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible

I honestly didn't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do. Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence which could potentially be triggering. But now that its over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. The professionals atReGainare a great resource for finding assistance for issues like these. Horrable neither person should touch the other in anger. I don't forsee any of that happening. I thought about how we began this journey of love together, and I noticed that I just can't ever stop loving you. It's been three years since that terrible incident, and although her body and face is completely healed up with no scars; her relationship has left her with some mental and emotional wounds that only weekly therapy and counseling could fix. I feel that way too. You're so annoying, shut up.". Very common. When she next met Jimmy she was very kind to him. I'm not an angry person. Also, he might be afraid of what he might do if you hit him again. You say when it's good it's really good, but when it's bad, it's Jekyll/Hyde. My boyfriend still loves me and wants to stay together. Long story short. I have not been depressed recently (actually, he has). My boyfriend is a big teddy bear. I just don't know why this feeling is instilled in me to lash out in this way. Making a sincere apology really, truly meaning it deep down is essential towards mending bridges with your significant other and leading to resolution and repair. Part of this commitment involves being more aware of emotions and their impact. A few things: I do not generally get angry when I'm drunk. MaisyMarch 6, 2011 in Abuse and Violence. He has been extremely sensitive through out our whole relationship and I have a hard time ever bringing up something that bothers me because he does not take criticism well and gets extremely mad. Thanks for your answers, they really helped. Let your boyfriend know you are open to hearing their thoughts, feelings, and boundaries. If he's willing to offer you the same conditions, then your conversations will be more honest and productive. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. He deserves so much more than me and no one should stay in an abusive relationship. She gave me a bunch of exercises and strategies to use to prevent this from ever happening again. I have a set of Hardcore field tested techniques which are guaranteed to bring your ex lover back no matter how hopeless your situation might be. That you can lay your hands on someone without them getting hurt and pissed with you?! While this may sound rather simple and completely opposite of what you want to do, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back then you need to cut off all communication with him. My boyfriend got into a heated agrument last night where he accused me of cheating on him with a mutal female friend because durring the night we would often joke about her being my girlfriend etc and because we kept going to the bathroom - manly because we were drinking a lot that night( by drinking i mean - i was thirsty so i kept myself hydrated with water etc, however i did have a beer BUT was not drinking to get drunk nor was i tipsy) and needed to use the bathroom therefore we went . Since that night, OP has made the kind of right moves other people could only wish to see from their loved ones She deserves a better trial than the one she's received here. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Thanks for your input. I think I have a lot to explore in my own head. But I think that staying together is the wrong course, and that you need a break. Susan now had her work cut out to get her ex back, particularly as she had dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously.. Tell him you're done and report it ASAP. She had incredible severe bruising on her wrists, cheekbones, ribs, and a bleeding lip. It's a classic move. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. He said "Shut up! To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. She talked about their long life they had had together and the good times that they had had. You are correct, and I agree that I should feel terrible- and I do. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together., Austa has been wonderful thus far. To you, your reason of being dissed made it justifiable. Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. Lets think about this one for a second okay? I recently got into an argument with my boyfriend. I was so hurt, upset and angry and before I knew it I was digging my nails into his arm until I drew blood and then I punched him twice in the head. He has a very prideful personality and I'm worried I'm gunna lose him. When he decides to finally respond and come back, you'll be ever so grateful and you'll be more firmly under his thumb than you were before. clearly you know better. Things were going very well until I overreacted. He may even become jealous of you because to them it appears that you have moved on and you simple don' want them anymore. Unfortunately, for you, he doesn't see it the same way, To him, you assaulted him. I've never done anything like that before in my life. Not only do you have to apologize because you behaved foolishly, but you almost have to start from zero with rebuilding the relationship. Don't risk losing your ex forever, improve your chances to get back together with your ex by using a method so controversial your ex will be unable to resist. Unfortunately, I feel like you've really hit on it here. Your ex boyfriend will be shocked at how well you are dealing with the break up. Ok. You HIT him. We have been dating for about three weeks now and two nights ago I hit him again. In the period when you come back together, reinstating trust becomes the most important component. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. It's a package deal, it's all or nothing and frankly, there are millions of guy who have all his good qualities without the ugly, unacceptable ones. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. People are telling OP that because she is not normally an aggressive person by nature and that this was the first time something like this happened, the relationship can be fixed. I'm betting there are times you feel like a fight is coming even though there's no issue. He gave me another chance and gave me time to show him I can be a better person and I let him down. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. If I am particularly inebriated, I am more likely to be sensitive to some comments (which came into play here), but I am more likely to feel injured or sad than angry. In fact Jimmy defended himself rather badly and Susan dropped him there and then. Warning: Your Ex Is Very Near To Having Sex With Someone Else Soon If you do not take action now, your ex will be lost forever to someone else! Ice queen Physical violence of this type (domestic) is generally a learned behavior, not an innate one. How did you cope with it afterwards? Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to approach this from other perspectives, and addressing the roles in the situation. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. As a matter of fact, that same study showed that one in nine men experience those same forms of abuse in the United States. My initial post says I'm working on moving out. Escalation and reaction like that are only short term responses. How old are you? I'm not trying to blame you and don't want you to be trying to find a way that this is your fault, I'm just trying to cover the bases so I know I'm getting an accurate picture. We've been together 3 years. tiffanyyoung00August 28, 2016 in Breaking Up Advice. Anonymous (18-24) I quit a new job because of mental health issues. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I really love him and I don't know why I get so violent. I hit my boyfriend for the first time about a year ago and we were engaged, long story short he ended up leaving me and about 9 months later he came back. I would hope you'll see the light, block his number, move, do whatever you need to do to get out of his sites and move on. But now that it's over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. My boyfriend and I got into an argument this past weekend. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. He then punched me in the arm. I don't think that should be your worry. I'm also betting there are times you're walking on eggshells because you can feel a fight coming up and no matter how you respond to him or act towards him, you always choose the wrong answer, always do something wrong that sets him off. LittleHelpFromMyFriends, August 9, 2022, By To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. When he comes back the next day, do the two of you then talk about and resolve the problem you were fighting about the night before? I don't know if I should be acting like what he did was justified, because I slapped him. What do I do? Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were out having fun and it looked like you did not have a care in the world. And it went left from there. Has anyone here loved a man that was bad for you? toughlove1993 Said that, I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise and anger. I'm sobbing as I type this it sounds so horrible and I hate myself for this. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. It can occur within a range of relationships, including married couples, living together, or dating. I wish I could reach out to you. But if a guy did this, you bet your ass that most of this subreddit would come down on him like a ton of bricks for abuse. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back a little reverse psychology may be what you need to win your ex boyfriend back. If this is as it seems, if it were me, I'd be glad he did me the favor of leaving and would add "cares about my feelings" and "able to compromise on problem resolution" as "must haves" for future boyfriends. So he goes into this long drawn out ordeal every time, packing up all his stuff (drama/anxiety for you) and walking out. What happens if she gets drunk and something similar happens again? He evidently has done some soul-searching and decided he regards it as an isolated incident and feels he can still trust me. I'm betting he didn't always act like this. Thanks for this. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. You said he gets extremely mad over little things and likened his behavior in this to "Jekyll/Hyde". Do you believe that dead relatives can reach out to you in your dreams? The next psychological technique to help you win your ex boyfriend back may sound like a stupid idea. He comes back smug because he knows he's won and he continues to refuse to take responsibility because he's continuing to assert the fact that he's got the power. Iran Using Harry For Cover For Execution of British Citizen. I'm scared all those articles aren't wrong. I wont get into too much detail as its rather unnecessary. Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. I feel horrible for what I did and how I made him feel- not that that excuses anything. I think it's good that you guys are actively trying to work on things. Everytime we get into an argument he leaves me for the night and goes to his parents. If you can explain/describe the turn of events, it would be helpful. Please help me. People can feel betrayed or hurt, emotions escalate to unhealthy levels, and people do things they wish they had not. It's amazing to me that he forgives me. While it certainly is not excusable to be violent with your significant other in any situation, recognizing what you have done can be the important first step towards resolving the situation. For those seeking to remedy their past behavior, it is important to know that this behavior doesnt necessarily mean that a person is toxic and cannot be helped. That is definitely not the way to get your ex boyfriend back. I wouldn't blame my boyfriend if he decided to. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. Then he started mocking me and laughing in my face and then I slapped him. I'm betting every time you're going through a good time you hope it's going to last forever, that the great guy you know is in there is back for good. And whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he seemed really just apathetic and nonchalant. This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. I can't say if the relationship can be fixed or not because I can only base my advice off of what my reaction in the situation would be. It matters. Because of this perception, these men often do not seek help. Why are you still trying to live there? But the misconception that women are the only ones facing this abuse is just that: a misconception. Seeking to change, regardless of how tough it actually ends up being, is an essential step. I don't want sympathy at all. In Other Words: "My Boyfriend Slapped Me". Without confirming the story or even talking to Jimmy about it, Susan confronted Jimmy and said she knew he had been sleeping with another woman.. Poor Jimmy was completely taken aback. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. Why does he leave for the night when you fight? For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. What if she hits him, not with her fists, but with a bat or something out of anger? I am happy to see that most of the commenters in this thread seem to see this the same way as well. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. The last thing your ex boyfriend wants is to be with a needy or obsessed girlfriend. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. If somewhere between all that you slapped him, I don't blame you. He tends to call me names when we fight, and I've asked him to stop, because it really bothers me. Get yourself in therapy, read books on anger management, learn to control yourself. You've raised a lot of very good questions for me to consider. I would suggest you be afraid he'll come back. Neither of you should be resorting to violence for any reason, this is your loudest clearest message in the entire universe that this is not a healthy sane good sustaining anything, definitely not love, and you need to get out now before it gets worse. Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. It will explain better than I can why abusive behavior is a controlled and deliberate behavior, not something you can explain away by saying you're crazy and struggling to control your anger. The really good to really bad thing is also classic for abuse relationship. however last evening I was triggered from something thats never triggered me before, and I had a very dramatic and serious flashback like I havent had in the past few months (I have been doing EMDR therapy). I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. It's not healty for either of us and not safe. Side effects of abuse may include but aren't limited to physical injury, disability, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a higher risk of depression, decreased self-esteem, houselessness, substance abuse, and anxiety. We had been distant for weeks, no real communication, no xes, no intimacy or just like good times at all. This may be a tough task when all you can think about is hot to get him back. I feel like a horrible person. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses. Susan dispatched the letter Jimmy and decided not to bother him or have any contact with him at all for some time. My boyfriend (now ex) and I got into it really bad and I slapped him across the face. Personally, I've been slapped a few times in my dating career. This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. We get to my house and I tell him I'm not leaving his car until he calms down and we talk about this. You ever heard the saying that people always want what they cannot have. He has not answered any of my calls or responded to any messages. You'll encounter no pity from me. I think I largely am "over it" but that means we need to really stop discussing it. I felt okay seeing him, but then later, it all just felt so weird. I was shocked, both because I slapped him and he responded by punching me. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By I know that's pretty meaningless, but I don't. P.S. The goal for not committing violence again has to be a personal mission. The goal has to be clear: never again. He proceeds to grab my arm and drag me out of the car. Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. By 1. Feeling dread at the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend. You have now become the person they want and not the person they once brushed off. Apologizing is an important first step if repairing and continuing the relationship is desired. Did you witness a lot of violence in your childhood? Old thread and OP has never returned. He said sure. Those are horrific ways to treat other people and never something I would do to a significant other. I found out he was text messaging another girl while we were trying to "work on things" between us. It has to be sincere and the priority in the wake of hitting a boyfriend. I feel like a little kid that wants to be held. Anger management and therapy can help. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. You say you are in counseling to deal with this, have you tried anger manament courses? Why don't you leave his house? Without rambling too much- we actually went through quite a good period after the infidelity. good for him. I was able to get myself out of the episode after a couple of hours. I'm 24, he's 28. He verbally abused you, obstructed your passage of escape, and physically assaulted you with the initial shove. You are right about there being something clearly wrong if this is something that still managed to get to me so many months later. But when emotions run high, it can make a person unstable. My automatic reponse was to slap his face, which i did. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I've been together with my boyfriend for a little over a month (both 15) and im starting to think I am a lesbian. Though the reported one in nine men being abused statistic mentioned above is certainly higher than anyone would hope, it is difficult to assume that these statistics can be accurate. Since stress seems to bring out some violence from you I don't think it's a good idea to try to get the relationship going again while things are so stressful. Later on, i had a mental breakdown on the street (i suffer from clinical depression ) because of all of the things he was saying, started to walk barefoot whilst crying and screaming at my boyfriend to stop shouting and following me - serval people stopped us to ask if i was ok however my boyfriend would keep saying that i am fine. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By You didn't use your words, you lashed out. I'm not one to "lash out" in any way. I feel horrible. What does he do/say when he gets "extremely angry"? Is there anywhere else you can stay for the time being? Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. Do you get way of control and make leaving the best thing to do? I'm 24, he's 28. Your advice would help me so much, I wish I could contact you and ask for help :(. But they can also be our teacher. Sigh. One thing led to another and I ended up slapping him and telling him to get out. He made me angry and upset, and now hasn't spoken to me in two days, should I reach out? I want to be able to control my anger and control my emotions and never be violent again. Of course it wasn't like I slapped him so hard (I know that doesn't matter). You sound like you self-sabotage and self-abuse, along with your partner abuse. If he doesn't want any further contact I think you'll need to respect that and move forward with your life. In this way, she let him see that she would like him back but was leaving him the time to make his own decision. Our partners should be our hom. In some cases, abuse can even lead to very serious consequences. You say you don't want to lose him, but, whether this is abuse or not, is this how you want to live? Now this may sound complicated but in reality it really isn't. But Jimmy had decided he would not have her back. This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. I would easily advise someone else who had been hit to leave. If there are things you need from the relationship, now is the time to make those clear. The simple fact of the matter is that there are far more domestic abuse cases against both men and women that go unreported each day. It's that simple. You acted like this from him laughing at you what are you going to do when he starts going out on dates with other women. Well.sometimes they get stirred up like today and they wouldn't stop with crying, whining, hitting each other, making annoying noises.all this while I was trying to get their school supplies. You do not engage, you do not talk to him. You may also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at any time: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). I slapped my girlfriend and feel horrible about it? You should be charged with assault, just like he would have been charged with assault if he had hit you, because that is true gender equality. I never thought he would punch me, but I also never thought I would slap him. The very thought of this terrified her. This is how abusive relationships almost always start, sweep you off your feet kind of thing - the best relationship, the best boyfriend ever. "I hit my boyfriend" is a phrase that has been said more than a few times, often in regret, in stories that have gone ignored. It is important to know what constitutes abuse, even those that are not direct acts of violence, and what you do not have to tolerate in a relationship. I have been with my children since they were born with very little to no breaks in between. It threatens you -- suggests you might be losing him. My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. The best way to get your ex boyfriend back is to go out and enjoy yourself. This slap doesn't have to be the end of your . Im 25 and just experienced something similar. Do not engage in any way, period. Any advice on how I can make it up to him but also stand my ground on him always leaving me? He hurt you, you've not gotten over it - time to hurt him. You've also got your mom to focus on too. Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. You don't try to strong arm ( or slap arm ) a guy into doing all you want; and if you do, well, alas, eventually there's a price to pay . "How do I talk to my boyfriend about his professional motivation and his problematic gaming without starting a fight or making him feel bad?" Read a psychologist's response here: 18 Jan 2023 11:00:06 I know all I need to know about it, I forgive him, and I think it's time we lay this to rest. My ex wife used to tell me that I lost my ambition and I needed to play less golf, blah blah blah I dumped her and got a hot young wife and still do what I want Here's what I would do: Accept that you fucked up, big time. Your relationship should grow from such an experience. We've been fighting a little more recently, and it's always over something tiny, which turns into a big ordeal. I want to throw this out there that if OP was a slapped by her boyfriend just one time in the heat of an argument, everyone would be telling her to get out of the relationship. However he kept on following me and shouting at me, I was shouting back of course and throwing insults back then he randomly ran up to me from across the street and pushed me extremely hard - it made me take a couple steps back. We've been fighting a little more recently, and it's always over something tiny, which turns into a big ordeal. But I do think a woman is just as deserving of getting struck back as a man would be. Keep your hands to yourself. I don't know what's wrong with me and don't know why I do this. I agree with ParisPaulette. If anger is the case, then it may be time to look into taking anger management classes. How do you rebuild trust if you hurt someone? Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By What this means is that you need to stop call your ex boyfriend, no text messages and absolutely no going to see him at the places the places he hangs out at or his home. Like so many other times in relationships, this is an opportunity. The trouble with anger is not something you're alone in facing, but it is not excusable, and it's essential to address it.

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