i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad

I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. Ad Choices, "Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. And I'd be on to other things -- with bells on, let me tell you. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. I basically grew up alone. Reproduction of material from any Salon pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. SALON is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon.com, LLC. Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. I wanted to punch him in the face, knock him out cold. I'll be talking to my great therapist when I get home, if I can get an appointment to see him. Once you get the words out, pay attention to how he responds. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. Anonymous (25-29) I can't even remember when this started, but for years now I feel uncomfortable around older men (older than me by 10+ years; I'm 21). Here's what I recommend: Ask your dad if you can have a little talk. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. I haven't seen my dad since -- haven't been able to do it. You dont have to have reasons for your boundaries. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. Answer Rachel, What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. RawConfessions user (Login required), Your Message (please type your comment here). He's such sad, wistful figure to me, despite everything. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so.Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. For the most part, what I've done over all these years is ignore it. What about sending a letter? I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. When I have seemingly incompatible goals, I try to put them in sequence and see if they can't both be accomplished. You will need that strength as you go forward. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive to this or if there's some legitimate reason behind my feelings. Reply; Richa. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. Anonymous He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. My family doesn't even speak to me. If its the latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly. Speak more loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). Nobody has the right to touch you when you dont want them to. You are commenting as a guest. Is that enough, too much, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines? Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. Got That Feeling When yourself? You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. Do not copy or redistribute in any form! Does he stop kissing you, or does he pressure you to change your mind, or even ignore what youve said and go on kissing you? But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! Avoid open-ended visits with your parents. "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. Why do I feel uncomfortable around older guys? I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. I don't talk to him on the phone either. Sister walks naked around the house when parents are not around and this is extremely uncomfortable for me. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. he made me, my sister, and my mom so scared. You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. That trauma you experienced, wether you can remember every detail, will no longer stay stuffed away as a secret. Usually if you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason. It's so hard for me to open up. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. Try to consider your options in terms of degrees; consider how painful each one is, and how much uneasiness it introduces into your life. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. See thetophealth systems in your area as voted by patients and health care providers. So we went ahead with the trip. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. Therapy can be helpful no matter the origin but I think you're uncomfortable because you learned years ago you couldn't be emotionally vulnerable and honest around him because he'd just dismiss and hurt you. That is, when you say, "I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them," I would suggest that you do both -- just not at the same time! This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. But it was let-go-able.) I have absolutely no friends. I have tried things like deep breaths and telling myself that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but its not really helping. Over 1 MILLION CONFESSIONS and growing.The World is waiting By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow You can love someone, and they can still be dangerous or difficult to be around. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. Your journey is just beginning and it is going to be a long one. After a few minutes he began touching me again, and it was really making me uncomfortable, and I pushed him away several times, but he continued. To me by text. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. I would strongly recommend you going to a female therapist; nothing against the good works of a male therapist but having been in your shoes, you will always feel more comfortable discussing these thoughts and feelings with another female. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. Which is best? This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. Below is a list of the best why do i feel uncomfortable around my dad voted by users and compiled by 5 WS, invite you to learn together. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Im in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around people with lazy eyes. Hes made inappropriate comments. [6] Try your best to practice patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend's quirks. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. toughlove1993 Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By And still, there was no picture. Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond. So no, thats not weird at all. We went to my room and I wanted to play video games with him, but he kept touching on me, going in my pants. I don't feel that in any other situation. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation on your dad and try to figure out how bad it is. I really believe that he will -- even before this happened, he seemed like a person who was partially dead. Child, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. React. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Posts: 1. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. That's not a normal thing either. There is help. gymrat44 replied to fcl 's response: I can't think of anyone to feel more comfortable with when being naked. You dont have to explain anymore. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. Unwise!! I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. Ice queen Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. And don't worry, they have heard everything and it will help you. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. Hope you found someone to talk to. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. when i was younger he had terrible anger issues and was emotionally abusive to my mom. I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. Cary, despite everything, I love my parents, and want to be able to share some of this Christmas with them. That pattern is no doubt familiar to many of us. [] (1)Why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk products? I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. Oh no. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? Depending on your age, you can seek help on your own. It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else. Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. Any tips for dealing with intrusive thoughts? I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. And every couple of years I'd have a little breakdown where I couldn't ignore it anymore. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F).

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